I havent slept in like a year and some change, and I chase My 1 yr old all over the damn place, I work a data entry job from home as soon as he goes to bed and sometimes the only moments I remember I am married is when I am dozing while working and am shocked back into the land of the living by either my husbands farts or loud snoring since mainly what we do is sleep side by side… Wait I should say he sleeps I work… I have absolutely no Idea how this shit will play out…Yes life is great and yes I ADORE my sone and love my husband. But Man I have never been so exhausted and anxious about deadlines and being a good mom! FUCK! I shake all the time now from being anxious, Im fatter and more forgetful, less witty, but hey now I have tits…hmm Just taking that in….
I have no Idea what happened to my dreams but I find myself constantly thinking of art projects and romancing them, and wishing for time I never get. I work all 7 days and have since february, Ive made some new friends but have no energy to go thru all the new friend bonding… What the hell is happening to me?
Some could say I am becoming a parent, others could say I am just fucking whining and maybe I could shut up! Wish I worked for Pixar, wish I was rich and had a mothers helper, wish I wasn't avoiding working as I write this (since all extracurricular activities are only done when I avoid work since I AWAYS have to work) Wish Id found myself, wish a ton of things but lets be real, I am Sold to the mothering trade. This means You quit sleeping, watch your man sleep (if you have one) And then work as much as you can, That is just for starters! Other things have changed in the hygiene department as well! Like now be sure to Always smell the brown spots on your arms hands or clothes; because chances are that isn't chocolate, or mud or nail polish, you got shit on, You will now never have time to clean your house or shower, There is also no time to cook like you used to, or draw or write like you used to, and everyone but everyone is weird when you complain! You are a mother now, How Lovely how satisfying how beautiful! Why complain? You have a perfect little person and perfect married life! (Funny how this weird june cleaver shit still exists but seriously childless people are fucked up) This is your life get used to it right? Why yes Ill just get on that! Ill quit all the things I love and be SOOOOO Grateful when i get a few seconds to myself and resign from my ambitions. If my husband has the baby for a day I will feel sorry he changes 2 shitty diapers and jump right up with all my fucking pep to change the next one since I feel so fucking bad for him. I will dress nicely and wear heels and stop cursing (yeah right) and join the damn PTA hoping I will match someone and find a friend, and if I do we will pretend we are in the fucking babysitters club and Ill be treasurer or something. I will delete all my Childless friends who almost have forgotten me and Thats ok. Then I will put potpourri in my bathroom, get a 401K and live in a house that smells like a headache and get fat ugly and become a push over….WHEW! Got a bunch of shit to do huh?
No seriously I don't know what has happened I just really hope this changes soon…PS yeah that was all sarcasm if you couldn't tell stop reading this blog all together.
